How do you live in a world where you know that your dad is using drugs? I mean, he won't ever admit it, yet I know.... I just know. I found shit in his bag, I have seen him FLYING off the walls on speed, and his money, all two grand of it is gone by the second week of the month. He's fucked. Forever. I love him, I really do, but I don't know how much longer I can live under the same roof as a man who lies, and does drugs with his twelve year old, and nine year old around. I am old enough to know what to do when situations get shitty, I can leave. I can take care of myself, but those poor children will never fully understand why things are so messed up. Like right now, he said earlier he was gonna go give someone a ride, well that actually was to also get drugs. So he comes hime, goes to the bathroom, gets high, and then hides in his room because he can't face to me that he is high as hell, and will now be up for hours. I am not really mad, because what is there to be mad about, I can't do anything about it. I can't fix him, I can't make him see he is hurting his children, because he doesn't care. He never really will. He might say he cares, but that isn't even the first thing on his mind. That would be, "when is the next time to get high?"
I am just hurt, I ramble a lot about how mad he makes me. He used to be a good person. He used to love his kids first. He always made promises to me about fishing trips, and hunting trips. Walking me down the isle on my wedding day, and always being my best friend. You wanna know the one promise he has kept? Being a friend. Not my best friend, but a friend. Just a friend. Almost like he isn't my dad anymore, but just a person I live with who shares similar DNA... I mean come on, I am dating his friend, who isn't much better, but at least he is decently honest with me, tells me things, and treats me well. My dad is never home enough to care...
( SIDE NOTE )
But I'm ADDICTED to Flatbush Zombies. Like seriously... I constantly listen to them... Which is a little odd, because I don't really like rap that much most of the time, but there is something about them that I love so much. (: <3 p="">
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