A Poem For A Post

We're Liars In Love

We lie to all we know,
Hiding our feelings deep inside,
Burying them with all we have,
Gasping for acceptance,
But gaining judgement,
He doesn't know,
But everyone else does,
They judge,
And can't accept,
Yet I don't leave,
Because I don't care.

I never cared what they thought,
You're mine,
And you're all I want,
All your flaws,
Your rebelliousness,
The darkness deep inside you,
Addicted, and lost,
Torn and drained,
Lost in this,
Whatever we are,
Neither of us really know,
Because we're too nervous to let any of it show,
We hide it all,
Every hug,
Every kiss,
When you grab my hand,
Even the looks lovers give,
You're my dirty little secret,
But I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to hide this,
I want to show you off with pride,
Who cares what they think,
We both obviously do,
Deep down inside,
Because I can't lose him either,
My dad,
For I'm too afraid of him,
And what he'd say,
But I want to keep you for another day,
And maybe never let you go,
You make my heart skip a beat,
I feel like i'm the prettiest,
The best,
But only when you're close,
When you're gone,
It's a totally different story.

When you're gone,
I'm dead inside,
I hate living,
I hate breathing,
I hate it all,
I can't just call,
They'll know,
And everything will show,
It won't be a secret anymore,
I'll lose you,
Never see you again,
I'll be broken all over again,
Most of the time it's just me,
Without you,
This love is destructive,
Miserable,
Torture,
But I don't leave,
I stay,
Because I hope for the day,
That maybe you won't be a secret anymore,
I'll share you to the world,
And you'll still be mine,
My favorite person to be around,
The one with emotional issues,
A gain in life I don't have,
Sharing your experiences,
And life struggles.

I'll watch you die before me,
Crying,
Carrying the pain,
Wishing we were closer to the same,
But cherishing everything you gave me,
The love,
The adventure,
Everything,
All I can do,
I know that you're there,
Whenever I need you,
I always miss you,
I just want to kiss you,
But you're gone,
Not forever,
But who knows when I can embrace you again,
And never let you go.

Courtney Love is a LIAR

COURTNEY LOVE LIED!! How many times does she have to change her story, to Tom Grant who investigated Kurt being missing, and finally started to research about his death. She lied, over and over again to anyone she told about any of this information, accept for the people that were involved in his death. Even the suicide note was a fake, copied handwriting from someone who obviously wanted him dead. Who would want to kill Kurt? Not me. If I could go back in time, I'd save him. I'd kill her, and save him. He deserved better. I know a beautiful child, Frances Bean came from the two of them, but Courtney is worthless, useless, and a waste of space. Watch this film, it explains everything... He shouldn't have been murdered. He should have lived.

I'm sorry Kurt. I wish you were here.

PROOF:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRmEizqzN2k

Sweet Tea

Living with my dad, grandpa, and aunt, we drink a TON of sweet tea. We drink so much that when we went shopping at the beginning of the month, we bought four boxes of tea bags, and twenty pounds of sugar. Thinking about it though, we go through a little less than that every month, but we have extra since my siblings come over often. But the other day, I bought a gallon of Florida's Natural orange juice, and after I finished it we rinsed it out and filled it with two pitchers of sweet tea. Great idea, I know! We drink at least that much every day, between the three of us, my dad, aunt and I. Grandpa doesn't drink much tea. Just coffee. Sometimes hot chocolate when he wants something sweet. I guess he drinks a lot of water at work, but when he is home, I have never seen him even drink water once. Weird, I know.

Thinking about how much tea I drink, I wanted to know if it was good for you... I have never really thought about it before, and never really checked, but I found out today. As I read through a few sites on the internet, I realized that tea isn't much better than a can of Coke. I did find out that drinking the tea with real sugar in it is better than drinking all that soda with the HFCS in it....  But anything seems better than that. Websites suggested that if you choose tea over soda, add a little less sugar than what fast food does, and bottled tea. I add about two thirds of a cup of sugar to a pitcher of tea. Stretching between three or four glasses of the drink. There are things in the tea that are good for you too... So, remember, tea is better than soda, but neither should be drank all the itme. If you like tea, try adding as little sugar as you can, then it would be better for you.

Just an Attempt... With Some Learning.

I wasn't sure what to write about, and I still really haven't figured it out, what to write about... There are so many things, I could make this an educational entry, or just another sad story about how life sucks and how i hate humanity, and how I could do a lot better with my life than what I am doing right now, but I still really haven't figured it out. I'm really just sitting here, with like seven tabs open, Red Hot Chili Peppers playing, and Facebook lingering around, waiting for my boyfriend to text me back, and wondering what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Dishes of course, a quick cleaning of the kitchen, and probably take a bunch of selfies.... But here I am, still stuck on what to write about.

Music And It's Affects:
Music. I am going to write about how music can affect a person. I love music. I listen to more music than watch TV or even movies. Music can take me out of a sense of depression, it can calm me down when I am angry, and it can make me wanna dance, mosh, or just jump around.

Music does so much good on the human brain. It's one of the only activities that involves using the entire brain. It also helps people gain strength in memory, from remembering beats, and lyrics. Music can also help reduce pain by 21%, because music can make someone feel they have the power, but it can also help someone relax and not focus on the things that are hurting them.

Music is like a cure all. It calms people down, hypes them up when they need a rush, and just fixes everything else in between. British and Italian scientists noticed when they gave people calming music it helped their heart rates go down, and breathing, when they listened to calming music. But when they were given something a little more intense their breathing and heart beats increased. It really does have a huge impact on your life. In all kinds of ways.

I'm tired, and done writing, but just know, that music is good for you. No matter what genre, style or group. Put your headphones in, crank it up, and relax. Don't let yourself suffer. Enjoy the music, and enjoy life. If  your wanting more information about music and how it can help your immune system, and headaches, check my reference below, because it has more information.


References:
http://www.emedexpert.com/tips/mPusic.shtml

I'm Confused...

How do you live in a world where you know that your dad is using drugs? I mean, he won't ever admit it, yet I know.... I just know. I found shit in his bag, I have seen him FLYING off the walls on speed, and his money, all two grand of it is gone by the second week of the month. He's fucked. Forever. I love him, I really do, but I don't know how much longer I can live under the same roof as a man who lies, and does drugs with his twelve year old, and nine year old around. I am old enough to know what to do when situations get shitty, I can leave. I can take care of myself, but those poor children will never fully understand why things are so messed up. Like right now, he said earlier he was gonna go give someone a ride, well that actually was to also get drugs. So he comes hime, goes to the bathroom, gets high, and then hides in his room because he can't face to me that he is high as hell, and will now be up for hours. I am not really mad, because what is there to be mad about, I can't do anything about it. I can't fix him, I can't make him see he is hurting his children, because he doesn't care. He never really will. He might say he cares, but that isn't even the first thing on his mind. That would be, "when is the next time to get high?"

I am just hurt, I ramble a lot about how mad he makes me. He used to be a good person. He used to love his kids first. He always made promises to me about fishing trips, and hunting trips. Walking me down the isle on my wedding day, and always being my best friend. You wanna know the one promise he has kept? Being a friend. Not my best friend, but a friend. Just a friend. Almost like he isn't my dad anymore, but just a person I live with who shares similar DNA... I mean come on, I am dating his friend, who isn't much better, but at least he is decently honest with me, tells me things, and treats me well. My dad is never home enough to care...


( SIDE NOTE )
But I'm ADDICTED to Flatbush Zombies. Like seriously... I constantly listen to them... Which is a little odd, because I don't really like rap that much most of the time, but there is something about them that I love so much. (: <3 p="">

Earthquake? Hmm....

I'm sure you have heard about the earthquake that is supposed to hit from Vancouver to Northern California. I know I have. We have been trained since we were young to hide under desks, or in door frames to survive the quake that will hit. But do you really think that this is gonna hit harder than any earthquake we are prepared for. Scientists predict that it could be anywhere form a 9.0 to the top of the Richter Scale which is 10.0. We should prepare ourselves for this, for all of it. Billions of dollars in damage, hundreds of thousands of lives will be lost, and there is nothing we can do about it. We are doomed. But when will it happen? No one knows. This is why they say prepare yourselves. It could happen tomorrow, and it could haven hundreds of years from now. No one knows.

I had to rant and ramble about this, because unpredictable things like this freak me out.

Don't panic, I think we're good for awhile. (:

Just Another Chapter in Life

When life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make lemonade right? Probably, or that's what I have been told my whole life. Make the bad things good, and make the good things stay good. But how are you supposed to do that when you are in a situation where there really isn't good nor bad. Life is in a stand-still right now. With a roof over my head, food in my body, trying to stay sober from any substance that could harm me, accept cigarettes, that's my safety net. Even though I now that it's gonna kill me in the end, I haven't been putting anything else in my body. I keep my distance from anything that could take me in the wrong direction, yet I don't want to. I want to find more happiness in whatever is wrong, because I feel there is something, yet I am not sure what it is. I want to know, my heart and my mind need to know, but I can't figure it out. I have a boyfriend, who makes me decently happy, and all that, but there are still issues that I need to figure out. With him, there are too many things that make this relationshi confusing. He's twenty years older, and uses substances that I shouldn't use again, yet I want to, and at least he doesn't use them in front of me. I asked him not to. He at least kept that one promise. I just don't want him to keep hiding things form me. There are things he is hiding, I know it, but I can't figure out what they are. I want him to be more honest with me, explain things, be open... That's if he wants the relationship to work... Who knows...

Already Annoyed

Well, My Dear Bloggers,

I'm already annoyed because I can't find out how to change the name of my blog. I am sick and tired of seeing "About Me (Deavin Slayter)" and it says to go to settings, and me being a stupid blonde,  I can't figure out where the hell settings are  even at. I figured out how to change my picture, and name, now being The Death Fairy instead of Firefighter Girl, since my job at Harrisburg Fire is no more. Now, I am just a lazy mother fucker, living with my dad, hoping to get clean off of pot sometime soon, and become a productive person with a job in this weird world full of people that could really care less about everything I ramble on my blog, that I think I am going to come back to. Because sometimes I have things I want to say, yet I don't want to write them in my journal, because I want, well and hope that maybe someone will actually read this, and care about what I have to say for once.

Like how my best friend left for a treatment program. And I told him I wasn't going to cry, but I have cried a lot. I think about him all the time, and I miss him. I miss him a lot. I just want him to come back. I know that he is doing this for a good reason, but not having him to talk to, and not being able to talk to him, and him not being able to talk to me. We always talked, about everything. From video games, to relationships, and even our sex lives. He was that one person I could talk to about everything. I just miss my best friend. I miss going to his house and playing GTA V. I miss listening to him and his little brother fight over the stupidest stuff, I miss hearing his family have their little moments. I miss waking up in the morning to a message saying, "I'm coming over." I know he is gone for a good reason, but I just want him to come home. I just feel lucky that he took a selfie or two with me before he left. Now I have pictures to look at when I miss him. And sometimes it helps, to imagine that he isn't so far away. I love my little brother, because he is more than my best friend, he is my little brother, and he always will be.